It’s Too Much

After eight years working in a Title I school with significant academic and behavioral needs, I was told that a change was needed. I was told that I was “too consumed.” I spent my first two years in the building as an assistant principal and for the next six years, I was the principal and I was consumed. I was consumed with developing teachers. I was consumed with school safety. I was consumed with improving student achievement. But mostly, I was consumed with student behavior… how to improve the behavior, how to support teachers dealing with the behavior, and how to protect innocent students from the behavior. I advocated for the students and the teachers in my building by asking questions, and pushing for what I felt was needed to support both student achievement and behavior. Over the years, my advocating seemed to fall on deaf ears. Not much changed with the exception of the behavior… it got worse.    

Behavior was always a struggle, but during my last year, I began to see things that had not occurred in previous years. I saw teachers and staff going home with bruises regularly. I saw teachers and staff crying regularly. I saw students scared regularly. We had to clear classrooms due to explosive, unsafe behaviors. We had to restrain students. We had to add Behavior Improvement Plans (BIPs) to multiple students’ Individualized Education Plans (IEPs). We had to add so many that we ran out of time in the school year and left with a list of eight more students who would need to be tested the next year. Throughout all of this, I advocated for help for the school, for help for the teachers, and for help for the students. How could we expect improvement in student academics when we were drowning in behavior? 

What does it mean to be “too consumed”? A quick Google search shows that the feeling of being consumed means to “absorb all of the attention and energy of (someone)”. When we are fighting to make something better, isn’t that what we would want? On the last day of school, after the students and teachers were gone, I was called to the director’s office where I was told about the change that needed to happen. I was told that we could sometimes become “too consumed” and that I was there. I was told I needed to think about what I wanted to do next. I left feeling as if I had been fired and was very confused. If you thought someone was “too consumed” in a bad way, wouldn’t you talk to them? Wouldn’t you have a conversation? I waited through the afternoon expecting an email outlining my potential options for the next school year. Nothing came. I waited five more days. Nothing came. I emailed the director to ask for clarification regarding my options. I was told it would be another day or so. Nothing came. I waited five more days. Nothing came. I emailed the director again to ask for clarification regarding my options. The response I received was a demotion to assistant principal at a middle school. What I received was an insult, a slap in the face for twenty-nine years of service to the school district, for eight years of my life spent trying to make a better environment for the students and staff of my school. My resignation was my response to the suggested change.    

As I work to figure out the next steps of my career, I feel the need to share the stories that brought me to this point. I want to share the stories of what is really happening in schools today. Teachers are overworked and underappreciated. Teachers lack support from their communities, from parents, from administrators, and from district-level offices. Teachers are leaving education in droves because they work tirelessly throughout the school day only have to work more at night or on weekends preparing for the next school day. Teachers are coming to school to be yelled at, hit, or even bit by students. Teachers are called liars by parents who can’t believe their student has a behavior problem. Teachers are accused of indoctrinating students or even worse of abusing students. Teachers are expected to engage students in the same way gaming devices engage students. Teachers are judged on a standardized test that encompasses one week of school. Teachers are expected to address chronic absenteeism in their classrooms. Teachers are practicing lockdown drills with students and showing them where to hide in case there is an active shooter. It’s too much.